“Take it!” he roared I hesitated I wanted to but my instinct screamed no,I mean why would he asked me to close my eyes…” I said collect it “he roared louder this time I immediately reached my hands to collect what he wanted me to drink,it was in a pot and this increased my curiosity I wanted to drink it but my hands were shaking maybe because…”you want to conceive don’t you? ” he screamed “yes Baba” I answered flatly with a shaky voice”then drink” he said,”remember you must not open your eyes or else you will die”he concluded and roared in laughter and I coward, I wanted a child badly but that does not mean I would risk my life,I have passed through a lot already and I was not going to do that anymore…

Just immediately I heard a sound it seemed something moved inside the pot,I heard the sound again and the movement this time more violently just immediately I jabbed as I threw the pot now with my eyes widely open,I couldn’t wait to see clearly what was in the pot before I took off on my heels with my legs almost touching my head I mean I literally ran faster than my shadow.
As I sat in the pouch that evening hot tears caressed my chin as I remembered my ordeal ,Why must I pass through all this, God why me?I asked God but he wasn’t visible so I asked no one in particular petrified i barely escaped today,i don’t understand why a human being would be this heartless. so that man wanted me to drink of a water with snakes, scorpions and whatever inside, I sighed now placing my hands on my chin as tears flowed ceaselessly from my eyes. life is cruel I thought in despair,why is life favorable to others I mean look at Mrs Catherine she just got married in the last four years and she already has three children, I heard she is pregnant for the fourth one now but here I am. what have I done to deserve this and what have I not done to have a child in the last ten years since Richard and I got married. I have visited all the miracle centers in the country but nothing happened,”they are using your babies for rituals”they would always say ” we need money to buy anointing oil to pray for you”that is how they have been extorting money from me without result at a point one of them almost raped me, that was when i got tired of the whole thing until my friend introduced me to all those Baba’s place,I sobbed softly now embittered. I remembered when I went to Baba Aminu ,that man literally set fire and ask me to stand over it hmmmm! I coward sobbing more harder, I screamed out my head because I thought I was going to die but he told me to bear it that after that I would have my child, he said he was cleansing me I mean burning out the dirt in my body so that when ever Richard and I have sex I would get pregnant straight away. I knew I was stupid to have believed that but who wouldn’t when he needed a child that desperately, I remembered I remember… oh! I woke up in the hospital with so many aberration,it took me almost two months to recover but I won’t relent because I wanted a child badly, there were times I had to take concoctions even now am still not done taking the one I collected last week from mama Hajara and now…
That night when Richard got home,I couldn’t even open my mouth to share my ordeal with him because I knew he was tired of my stories of course he was, I remember the last time I talked him over to follow me to one Baba musa he kicked against it vehemently, “am not complaining so I don’t understand why you should be disturbing yourself and beside at the right we would have babies”,silly nonsense it was to me,you know men would say something and do a different thing, may be he was not disturbed because he was planning to bring a rival to the house,yeah that was apparent,his sister my sister in-law came last two weeks threatening me,although she didn’t say anything new but just kept on reminding me how miserable my life was without a child and how I have used my womb to make money,I couldn’t help but to just shed tears. that was the life of a childless woman with no one to comfort her,sometimes the burden became unbearable but it was my cross to carry for been barren as if I was God,the man was always potent and fine, am the one who is unproductive and barren. After serving him his meal I wanted to head for the bedroom when he told me he wanted to discuss something with me,”there is this new India gynecologist in town,I heard he is good so I want us to see him,i have booked our appointment with him tomorrow”I swallowed hard an invisible lump,I couldn’t understand why Richard has decided to go for check up too” OK I muttered and headed for the bedroom because I was stressed out.
“I think it’s better I addressed the both of you together” the Indian gynecologist said with his nose pointing directly at us. I was Petrified, the doctor cleared his throat I was sweating now in fact the saliva in my mouth became very hot, “Mr Richard you have a blockage which has been preventing the sperm and causing you to be infertile but it’s a minor issues which can be rectified by an operation to remove it”he concluded I couldn’t believe it I lingered, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I began to shed tears it was not tears of joy instead it was for regret, I mean I was looking back at all I have passed through I mean…” Mrs Richard you are not having any problem but can I ask you few questions? ,Yes doctor I answered in great trepidation. “Have you been taken anything lately ?”yes I answered anxiously now,I have been taken some herbal concoction.” We are sorry madam your womb have been severely injured due to several concoction you have taken”, i couldn’t help it any longer ah !ye!ah doctor please help me I knelt down on my knees terrified,life is cruel,ah!am finished”put yourself together there is nothing else we can do about the situation” he continued”many with same condition most times don’t recover but at least some do,so you need to be strong please excuse me. as the door in front of us was shot I began to cry quietly,I whirled around to face Richard,” please tell me you would stay with me,you know I did all this because of you. I know a miracle will happen,please promise me …”I couldn’t help but to cry more bitterly Richard did not answer,he just held my hand and asked us to go.
Since then i have continued to leave in my own regret, anguish and night mere until the day I was just sitting in the parlor, reading my Bible when Richard entered the house and behind him was a woman who seem to be in her late 20’s i had goose pimples all over my body, she was pregnant. welcome I greeted” thanks “he barely answered and headed straight to the guest room with the girl,after a while he went to the bedroom and I followed Just immediately, I was inquisitive I desperately needed answers to the questions that were pondering in my head… “She is pregnant for my child,so I decided to bring her home so that when she put to bed we will do wedding proper but you know am not asking you to leave,you can still remain in the house at least you contributed greatly in the building of the house. This words pierced me right to my bone marrow,I cowered with my feet and hands trembling I wanted to faint but I couldn’t. It was then it dawned on me that my anguish, torture,my Travail has just be continued…

Published by faithakatiki

Faith Joseph is a Nigerian Citizen, a Personal Development Blogger and a young social development champion and a Lawyer by Profession. Akatiki is an lover of all forms of expressive art and has excelled in performing various. She is a passionate Writer and an Activist, she believes strongly in gender equity and holds the view that rather than being treated as male or female, we should be treated as humans irrespective of gender and make the world a better place for all.

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