Travail 2(grief and gaiety)

Its six months now since this incident that led to my present condition happened,life had not gotten any better,each day that passed by vanished along side with the hope I have on a miracle happening,The anguish had become unbearable in fact I was literally living in hell.I couldn’t believe at first Richard will throw up our ten years of marriage, of struggle and success,I mean ten years of sacrifices I have made for him. I met Richard When he had nothing, like nothing at all but I stick to him despite that because I believed in the promise I made at the alter when I said “for better for worst” and he too promised me heaven and earth,he kept reassuring me that it was going to be me till death do us part, yet here he was treating me like a piece of trash,”the only reason why am keeping you in this house is because you contributed in building the house”he would always say to me with a look of disgust as I sobbed embittered.

Richard and I have continued to leave together with his anticipated wife.”onifem,iyawomi!,iyawomomi! “he would always call her in front of me,just to make sure he humiliated me,she would always walk in front of him showing him different views of her curves,after doing that Richard my so called husband would offer to hear the baby kick and she would come closer to him and he would place his ear on her pregnant tommy at the same time smooching it,each time I couldn’t help but to start shedding tears of anguish and travail,I was the only one who understood how I felt,that was what I had to face for not been able to carry my own child.

The woman was very disrespectful towards me but I wouldn’t blame her ,Richard had given her that guts due to the names he always called me.I can’t count how many times he had to beat me just because of piffle things. I remember one night he had to beat the hell out of me because I used his towel, Michael threw me out of the house naked hmmmm!,having no where to go or what else to do I bend down covering my shame i.e my nakedness, thank God for mummy comfort who rushed to her house and got me wrapper to cover my shame after seeing my shameful condition.I cried out my life that day and blamed God for creating me as a woman,he would have made me a man who was always right and had the will to do everything he wanted, it was Richard who had the problem yet I had to suffer everything and even had to apologize for what I didn’t even know, I even have to apologize for not been able to Carry a child in my womb as if I was God. Thanks to mummy comfort and her husband who helped to beg Richard to take me back into the house but to amusement nobody questioned him for what he had been doing to me,no one told him he was wrong,no one asked him to apologize for defiling our marriage bed instead they family applauded him for that and thought it manly.”This woman you are seeing here is a witch! she used her womb for rituals and I can’t leave with a man since she is unable to give birth “I remember Richard saying with violence and hatred in his voice when comfort and her husband went to beg on my behalf,i was crying quietly because i remembered Richard was there when the gynecologist told me i cant carry a child because my womb was badly injured ,Yet here he was…I tried to wipe the tears that was flowing ceaseless from my eyes,it was to no avail and that was how he finally accepted to take me back into the house hmmmm.

Since then life had not been any better I now sleep in the guest room while his anticipated wife slept in our room,they room Richard and I suffered to build and on our matrimonial bed.Richard had sent me packing few weeks ago” you disgust me,i regretted wasting my money marrying you,in fact you are smelling so you need to leave this room, I can’t leave in the same room with a barren pig like you “that was his exact words to me the day he asked me to transfer my clothes to the guest room,what kind of man would say that to d woman he shared his life with and…I couldn’t say a word,I just transferred my clothes that evening at least in this few months I have learned to harbor everything recently.

I met a woman in our Bible study group, she was new in the group and the interesting thing about her is she is a counsellor so I decided to meet her and share my ordeal with her, of recent I have had several sessions with her and this has helped me a lot and thought me to harbor things, yeah! am still reading some of the book she gave me.” My dear you just need to hold on, all these would be over some day you just need to keep praying,the fact your husband does not seem to need you now does not mean the world has come to an end”she would always say it casually as if it was that simple,she was not in my shoes she wouldn’t understand,she didn’t understand what it means to be humiliated and be treated like a pig by your husband,I didn’t take what was happening to me casually because I felt all hell had been let loose on my world. Yet I had no choice but to stop worrying because it gave no solution to my problem.I became very care free not paying attention to what was happening around me,but deep within I knew I lied about not caring because there where still times I will soak my pillow with tears,sometimes the humiliation was unbearable but I dare not cry in front of them. There were times the anticipated wife would close her nose when I passed but I pretended I didn’t care,I didn’t blame her because Richard did worst,there are times They would both seat in the parlor cuddling each other and doing all manner of lovely things,sometimes Richard would peel oranges for her or repair her nails at the same time calling her all sorts of sweet names,aware I was in the room,just trying to humiliate me of course sometimes the succeeded as I would lay on the bed got to the point where Richard ask me not to even touch some things in the house, like his cloth,seating on the cushions or handling the remote,he even asked me not to touch cooking utensils in the house that I was contaminating it,Richard would not even carry me in his car even when he saw me walking down the street,yet I did not leave the house because I meant business when I said “for better for worst”.In all this I have not hated Richard a bit, instead I just kept praying and believing all will be well some day.His family members where a set of people I didn’t want to talk about.

It’s five months now since the anticipated wife came to the house,at this point she was due for delivering but had not given birth “I thought the doctor said last week is your day of delivery?” I over heard Richard asked with great trepidation “yes I don’t understand too” the anticipated wife answered,I could read fear in the woman’s voice.”what do you mean by that, is the baby not kicking?” Richard ask again not waiting for answers “we have to go and see the doctor tomorrow Richard concluded. I listened as their voice faded.

I couldn’t wait for Richard to come back from the hospital, I was curious but yet I pretended I wasn’t. Richard got back earlier than I expected,it was as if he didn’t even go to work. I didn’t ask because it was none of my business,just immediately his phone rang and the next thing I heard was” what do you mean by stillbirth? Christ!”he asked over the phone it seemed it was the doctor. I tried to figure out what the doctor was saying and this was it,he was trying to inform Richard that his anticipated baby was dead in the mother’s womb. I swallowed hard an invisible lump,my heart raced faster,I didn’t know what to feel,I felt as if blood has stop flowing through my veins and I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad,so I tried to listen again but this time all I heard was the sound of the car keys obviously Richard was going to the hospital to confirm what he has heard just immediately I reached out for my phone to call my counsellor,maybe she would know better what I should do.

That evening Richard got back home drunk,who wouldn’t after having such disappointment,he was not with his anticipated wife,probably the had to operate her to get the baby out of her system poor thing I thought. I was lying on my bed now confused when Richard barged into my room, I was terrified because I didn’t know what to expect because he was drunk,I feared he wanted to hit me until I watched him kissed me on my lips,that was how he had sex with me that night, I kept crying all through shedding tears of anguish,I couldn’t say no to him because he was my lawfully wedded husband and I was still his wife because we were not divorced.

A month ago Richard sent his anticipated wife packing out of the house,poor thing! I remembered how she had begged him, yet he gave no listening ear,she deserved it at least that is what you get for taking another persons husband I had thought sheepishly,that did not change Richard’s attitude towards me in anyway but I cared less about that,in fact he was even angry with me and kept on calling me a witch.A week later his mother had visited him to give him some herbs to protect him from my charms,she claimed I had eaten the other child with my juju and had promised she was going to bring a new wife for her son but I didn’t care,I don’t know why but I didn’t care.Just recently I had noticed a change in my body system,I have not seen my circles since last month.I knew what I was thinking but I wasn’t cocksure,so I decided I was going to see the doctor and I did.”Madam hearing your story,I don’t know how this happened but you are pregnant, maybe it’s a miracle”he said grinning “congratulations madam” he stretched forth his hands but I didn’t receive it my eyes was heavy with tears so was my hand, Tell me it’s a dream doctor?I asked letting the tears flow ceaselessly this time, I didn’t know what tears it was,whether it was of joy or of the humiliation I had suffered but I didn’t hold it back,I just let it flow because I love the news I was hearing.The doctor was smiling it seems he understood what I was feeling. Just then something pricked me within ,what would I do to Richard,should I just…

When I showed Richard my test results,for two weeks he was dumb founded, he didn’t say anything to me and never kept eye contact with me, may be he was ashamed of himself because I remembered he was surprise I let him touch me the night he did,thank got I let him I thought.I too had not been myself because I was indecisive about what to do to him,if eventually he asked to be forgiven would I ever forgive him even if i did,I was not sure I would ever forget, my heart bled as I remember all the painful memories,I was shedding tears again but I let it flow because it was better that way.I remained indecisive about it until the evening came Richard came to my room crying like a baby begging me,he asked me to forgive him for all those moments of grieve, anguish and travail I had suffered alone. I expected he would but yet he came unexpected or would i say so sudden, hmmmm!I couldn’t help but to cry too.

About forgiving him, I had to because he was my husband, because I made a vow and because I was a woman and had to take everything,because I was brought up to be weak,soft and never take revenge and because he was the man.

Published by faithakatiki

Faith Joseph is a Nigerian Citizen, a Personal Development Blogger and a young social development champion and a Lawyer by Profession. Akatiki is an lover of all forms of expressive art and has excelled in performing various. She is a passionate Writer and an Activist, she believes strongly in gender equity and holds the view that rather than being treated as male or female, we should be treated as humans irrespective of gender and make the world a better place for all.

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