The Incident (my personal experience).

I remember when this incident happened, the incident that led to a great Change in my life… I remember that evening when I heard my WAEC ( secondary school leaving Exam) result was out, I was so optimistic because I was cocksure it was going to be awesome. I remember the disappointment that was registered on my face when I checked my result with my mum,it turned out to be opposite of what I expected, Our result had some how been withheld by the Examination board for reasons not clear to me. I was so young and naive, I feared failure because my dad hated failure wholesomely and I had to do everything to avoid it but here was I, My dad of course was so disappointed and made it clear to me with his words and attitude as if I was WAEC Examination board but I didn’t blame him because you can imagine what our parent go through and sacrifice just to make sure we are what we are.

If you are writing that exam,you better register physics,chemistry, Biology…”it was so obvious where he was heading to but that was not what I wanted…

I remember how I will always cry and beg God to perform a miracle for me, I applied law in Nasarawa state University (I had a passion for law since when I was a child). Things got soar when I walked up to my dad and told him I wanted to write External WAEC (Supplementary Exams) …”If you are writing that exam, you better register physics,chemistry, Biology…”it was so obvious where he was heading to but that was not what I wanted, I recall i insisted it was law I wanted or I won’t go to the school (that’s passion), hmmmmmm! you can imagine telling your dad that and how his reaction would be, I remember crying and begging my mum to talk to him and how I will always pray and trust God despite how bleak the situation was, I know it may seem nothing to others but that was a problem to young me who had her passion and Strong will. Few months later admission list was out and yet no result and no external WAEC and to the glory of God I was offered admission to study law, I was so excited but yet so scared because my NECO was something I won’t be optimistic about because I didn’t put much effort and seriousness in it.

I remember that morning my dad informed me our NECO result was out (chuckle) it wasn’t good news to me at all but in the evening I managed to put myself together and go check it. I remember how loud my heart beat,that even the cafe guy could hear it(chuckle), then I saw him fill in my examination number, scratch card number and submitted it, I swallowed an invisible lump, suddenly there was my name and result displayed on his screen, I cleared all my papers.

You would think that was all but there was more to it…It’s embarrassing but let me continue, I know I was stupid and foolish some how (smile). I remember the evening I typed those words in my phone so exhausted of everything as I thought and I remember my guardian’s reaction after reading my message.

“good evening sir,thanks for everything you have done for me and the stress you have gone through but I don’t think I would pursue this law degree anymore…”

Hmmmmmm! you can imagine me wanting to forfeit this degree I had so much passion for, I wrote those words as if it was my choice to give up, It wasn’t actually a choice but that was the only option left. Weeks into September my dad had given me money to open an account in Diamond Bank, not just any money, but that was my registration fee into the university. As I said earlier I was young and naive, like seriously I was, I remember how I could spend two weeks without going out to anywhere not even to the market, bank, like no where, my book was my companion. (sha that’s not an excuse). My dad insisted that I started doing things for myself, trust me I did things for my self when i went there without the necessary requirement and had to come back home severally but on the last time (sigh) I came back home without a bank account, no money and no phone, I had falling victim to fraud(419), they played with my emotions and before I could understand what happened, I had dashed them the whole money and was trying to understand what transpired, just imagine what my dad’s reaction would be. He said everything he could and told me every piece of his mind, I sat that day not being able to shed a tear, I was like a zombie just trying to understand the occurrence in my world. My mum was of no help at first, she just yelled at me leaving me helpless and so scared but at some point she put herself together, I remember that evening despite everything I went to my room and started folding my cloth for school despite my dad’s threat that school was over for me (that was Faith). Everyday in the house was so bitter and exhausting for me hearing my fathers soar words harass my ears but you wouldn’t blame him, he worked so hard to gain that money and I just dashed it into the air out of my stupidity, his reaction only makes him human. That guardian I mentioned earlier held me by the hand that cold evening, I was shivering inside, it was as if the demons in my village were let loose in my world, “Faith you need to be strong you hear?” I remember nodding my feeble head in affirmative…all those while I felt so useless, stupid and hated myself for not being able to do anything rightly, I was far from being good and intelligent as people say, I felt dull and senseless, I wanted to be like my friends who had no problems at all, I question everything around my life and felt I wasn’t good enough, May be I was not even good enough to study the course I had passion for. I kept praying to God for a miracle at least that was all I could do. The climax of it was after my dad had to sought out money afresh to give me. My parent handed me over to the man I called my guardian because he was a student in my school, I was given all my credentials to hold in my hand and I slid it beside my chair, OK you will think I had learnt my lessons right? I have always hated travelling so I slept all through. When we got to keffi as the car came to a stop, we dispatched our luggage and headed to the lectures house I was going to live at until I got a house. As I lay on my new bed in the lecturer’s house, I had a flash across my mind as the new reality dawned on me, I forgot my credentials at that corner in the car, “Just imagine me I never learn you know”. I knew things were not right and everything was a mystery to me and I was tired of making people have headaches and stress themselves because of me. My head was blank for about 30 minutes I couldn’t think neither breath and all that flashed across my mind was my Father and how he will react, maybe he will just have to kill me this time and my mum, she has had enough of my issues. May be school this year wasn’t meant for me, it’s so glaring to me, it was with this thought I typed that message into my phone, the message I typed to that guardian of mine about me giving up on the law degree, now you see why it wasn’t an option for me but a necessity that I had to give up…. To cut the long story short that man didn’t give up on me when I gave up on myself he called me immediately after he saw the message meanwhile the sky was already dark,
I remember him calling me and telling me those three words again “Faith be strong ” that man didn’t sleep that night, unfortunately we didn’t board the car that brought us to keffi in a park. He called my mum the next day and told her, mum was also strong, she didn’t mention it to dad but just went on her own to start reprocessing the credentials she could get (hmmmmmm mothers, they never give up you know). you could imagine how I felt, knowing I was left with nothing and nothing so I began to pray asking God for a Miracle, With the help of my guardian who gave me some Bible verse to read and encouraged me to start with the registration process. On the second day in the afternoon, I received a call from a man who identified himself as a driver” you left your credentials in my car,you were lucky I saw your number among your credentials “,yes!! I remember, I remember wanting to give someone my number and something happened I didn’t give him the No and that was how I put the number in my credentials.

Let me stop here, it’s not as if since then things have being smooth sailing always but I have learnt that no matter how dark the cloud is does not mean the sun won’t shine again, no matter what happens this three words still ring in my head ” faith be strong”. it’s being five years since I prayed this prayer, I want you to know that today I write this as a graduate of Law, having attain the degree that felt almost impossible for me, the degree I felt so unworthy of. I want you to keep this in mind that no one is perfect or a saint or brilliant and everyone have their strength, weakness and failures but they have just being able to maximize their strength and manage their weakness. Everyone have problems even the ones you see as most perfect but they have just learnt to move on no matter what happens and giving up is never an option for them. So you don’t need to be like anyone, accept yourself and love yourself, don’t give up on yourself and makeup your mind to grow everyday, my dear keep fighting those voice in your head screaming you are not good enough or you have to be like another person or your problems are special and extreme, so whatever you might be going through now I will just leave you with this words “… be strong”.
Remain positive and purpose driven.

Published by faithakatiki

Faith Joseph is a Nigerian Citizen, a Personal Development Blogger and a young social development champion and a Lawyer by Profession. Akatiki is an lover of all forms of expressive art and has excelled in performing various. She is a passionate Writer and an Activist, she believes strongly in gender equity and holds the view that rather than being treated as male or female, we should be treated as humans irrespective of gender and make the world a better place for all.

6 thoughts on “The Incident (my personal experience).

  1. Ah, jeez, my heart hurts now.

    This story is written so well, the sadness/despair is well depicted; you have an excellent gift of carving and weaving emotions into your narrations.

    Well done faithyfaithy, my friend, well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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